I’m currently on a work trip slash vacation, and I have been glued to my phone the entire time – which isn’t that weird since I’m always Instagramming, blogging, taking photos, and keeping notes – but that’s not why I’ve been digitally addicted these past few days instead of enjoying a change up in routine.


There have been some stress points and issues at two of my freelance positions lately, and every time I get an email or text I shoot into a state of anxiety. I’m constantly refreshing my email to see if I’ve gotten a new one, and spinning the wheels in my head trying to come up to solutions to problems that haven’t even happened yet. This is part of what makes me good at my job, but it’s also so crazy stressful and gives me the worst anxiety! There’s something I know about myself that I have to proactively plan for to keep it from messing with my life: I’m a total people pleaser.

How to stop people pleasing and realize it's not always your problem

I always feel like I need to make sure everyone is happy, fix any problems, and make things happen. Anyone else get sucked into this? It’s not a bad thing to be good at making people feel good and kick ass at heading off problems, but there comes a point where you just have to let it go and realize it’s not always your job to fix other people’s problems. And it’s definitely not your job to make other people happy. Honestly, it’s not even possible for you to make people happy – you can only do what you can do, the rest is up to them.

Throughout this trip, I’ve had to fight off the feelings of stress and anxiety over things going wrong and people being unhappy or disappointed. I know I’ve done a good job, been proactive, covered all my bases, and been a positive addition to the teams I’ve worked with. The rest is really out of my control, and honestly, not worth effing up my vacation for!

How to stop people pleasing and realize it's not always your problem

One of the best quotes I’ve ever heard was “you can please some of the people all the time, you can please all of the people some of the time, but you can’t please all of the people all the time”. Make this your mantra! You truly can’t be responsible for making everyone happy, and every problem isn’t your problem. Sometimes, you just have to say “fuck ’em”.

How to stop people pleasing and realize it's not always your problem

When you’re feeling like your people pleasing tendencies are getting the better of you, remember that quote. Sit down and pop out your journal and write down the problems that are causing your stress and everything that’s completely under your control that you can do to change the situation, then do those things immediately. After that, let it go; your job is done. Go enjoy your life (you deserve it!!).

Author: ErinLane

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